Poetlostforwords' Journals

So Long... Oh well

It's been a while since i've been on here.

Well thats a lie but what ever. I needed to say this to someone. So i thought that i would a letter to someone but it's really to who ever reads it.

Dear you,

I can't believe how you are making me feel. I haven't felt this way since my best friend moved cities and is now half way accross the county. We were so close and really liked one another but since that i never felt that way about any one till you. It's not the face that your just great looking i just feel there is something more.

Something more that i want to know. I would love to get to know you better and it makes me have butterfiles in my tummy to think about it. yes you cause me to use childish words and i dont understand why. I really hope that you see that we should at least talk and maybe just become friends because i would have that over anything other any day.

To my friends,

I really appereciate what you have done for me. You guys are great. I know and talk about him too much but i appereciate the support. Tomorrow might not happen if it wasn't for you. :) I love you guys with all my heart. I just wish it was the best of you that were going to come with me. Now this kind of sounds like SOMETHING BIG is happening but its really not. I just really like him and can't wait to see what happens.

If worse comes to worse he sees what is happening and rejects it all but i won't be kicking myself in the ass for not trying. Right?

Well goodnight world. :P

MJ's Ghost!?

Hey Buzznet and Buzzneters!!!

Did you all hear about Michael Jackson's ghost? It's pretty cool stuff.

But before you all go think that it's real i want you all to think about a few things first.

1) how many people do you think were at the house?

2) didn't you see the light in the back there. Doesn't that mean there were more lights? SO really couldn't it have been someone walking past a light?

3) It's more behind the light then infront of it.

4) a ghost would be more see thru and would not distort onto something

Even Larry King and his people explained that it's not real.

Not to mention other people don't believe it.

And you know what. Michael Jackson himself explains it to you.

That being Michael Jacksons ghost is as believe able as this

If you want to see something more ghost like check these out:

But i guess everyon can believe what they want. So do you believe?

I'm giving up and Fuck you.

Dear life,

I SAY FUCK YOU! I know that you really don't want me to do anything this summer. Personally because you don't want me to do anything i want to go back to school. At least then i could do stuff with my friends. This past year has been shit. It really has. Last summer i couldn't do anything because i had my teeth pulled. i understood that. But i mean come on i worked so hard to be ready this yar to go do stuff. I was. Now you tell me i can't till august again. why? why do you do this to me?

i know that i waste my life on others things and that i never follow through on them but this was something that i was going to. I was going to get better and do stuff. I was going to go to festivals next year and see where that would take me. BUT I FUCKING HATE YOU. Please give me something to work towards again. Maybe single up a guy for me or put a new guy in the picture. But i just want somethign i can look forwards to. If you can't do taht i don't even want to speak to you again!

Sincerly,

pissed off me

Music....

I love when i find new music

or someone tells me about an album and i fall in love

I want to have a large music collection.

That is a goal.

So got ANY decent music that you don't tell many people about?

I am currently listening to this guy that is a mix of king of leon/ City and Colour

No tmy phto

"I'm Feeling good"

Hey

So i have decided to start posting something each week. Like a picture, video, link or journal. ANd i am going to base it all on lyrics. I will try and post everything before friday but i don't know how that is going to go.

But since i posted "I'm feeling goo" by michael buble i should write a little on that.

Well at the moment i am listening to that song and that is the only line i could really pick out. Umm... i just had surgery and i don't have to write any of my final exams but i couldn't not write my math one. I just have to. My others i don't care about it't just that i would not feel right not having to write my math. Does that make sense? or am i not using the excuse i can to get out of it all? would you write any exams or just let them be???

Well i haven't posted much and this is a start. Keep an eye out for me.

ttfn

bye!

Everything Is What You Make It

"The Future you have, tomorrow won't be the same future you had, yesterday"

So since my last post i've been thinking to not over worry about what was going on. I can't control those people and what they think. I mean if they want to think that i am a stalker then go for it. At least i mean something to them to at least talk about me. Like it's pretty awesome that the "cool" kids want to talk about me when i'm not there. Yes i know thats a bad thing but at least i leave an impression on them. good or bad.

But i have missed you dear Buzznet. How have you been? It feels like i haven't been on here in forever but i am on here everyday. Just not on my own profile. I am helping out some friends so i am always on their profile.

Since i have been gone i have been doing A LOT of thinking. Well not thinking but wishing.

I want to grow up to be a director or at least involved in the movies.

I want to own a VERY LARGE movie collection. But since th blue-rays are coming out i don't think i should buy DVDs anymore.

I wish that i could have a journal something like Chistopher Gutierrez has. But i suck at english. I not goods at it.

I wish that i could take my own goddamn adivce. it always seems to logical but i just can't.

But there have been a few things that have been bugging me.

My parents are talking about moving. I don't like packing.

My friend doesn't know when the little white lies are best and not the total truth.

I want something other then stupid boys on my mind. It consumes most of my day.

So that is all for now. I am thinking of being on here more. Doubt that will happen but keep your eyes open. But remember to blink.

ttfn.

read the first sentence

I am going to stop trying to help myself and encourage my friends more.

So it is almost the end of the school year. and it's ending pretty shitty.

It all started off so great and then it snowballed through the whole year into a cluster fuck.

AND it was all because i crush on somethign i can't get. I'mnot going to get into it.

But as the year went along i lost my best friend to the drug scene and we never really talk any more. I have very little friends it feels like and i wish that i acutally had more.

but everything started to change in the new semester.

i never really had "friends" just people who were nice enough to talk to me. that is at least better then to be a loner.

But i really started to get into photography and people thought i was being a creep to certain guys and it all hit the fan.

i really wish i could just forget what they said but for me it is really hard.

I actually miss my old self who i was at the start of the school year. I want to find the undo button and go back.

I want to go back to being the little rock child i was that dressed in all black everyday because no one really noticed me or i thought no one did. I want to go back to just being me and being crazy with my friends and going to shows. I miss being the nobody that no one really talked about because i wasn't all that interesting.

Now i try to be noticed to get that one look that i want from someone. I try and get people to listen to me with my constant complaining. I dress so that i try and seem to fit the fashion trend. I try and make myself interesting so that i am liked by a few more.

The thing is what i am now is nothing what i used to be like. I want a lot of my old aspects back.

But i realized a few weeks ago i don't have many friends any more. I was a loner on my soccer team and i hang with the same people everyday. Not that i don't like them i just don't want to feel needy. i dropped everyone from last year and started new and i sometimes wonder if that was the smart thing to do. the only upside is that i really don't get "bullied" any more which makes me happy and there isn't much drama. I love my close friends to death. I don't know waht i would do with out them.

Just my birthday is coming up and i don't know if i want to have a party. i doubt any one would show up. i am just that type of person and it sucks.

I just want this year to be over. it's starting to get painful to even do things. I take pictures for year book because i have nothing better to do and people judge it so i have decided to stop. I hate knowing that people think there is soemthign wrong with that. It's not like i am a nerd.

I just wish things would change. i feel that they have to.

I think i am done venting for now. thanks to any one who reads this. It just feels better that i have gotten this off my chest to who ever you are. or who ever you might not be.

Unfair

I'm just going to get straight to the point.

my parents just bought me a car. It's pretty awesome.

they bought my brother a car 2 years ago.

they bought him a car he wanted and liked. he basically got to pick it

so they have been telling me about cars i should get and they were letting me look around

my mom say the chevy cobalt but i wasn't sure on it. i really couldn't see out the back window

so yesterday she went and bought it. i feel that it is unfair because my brother got to pick his car. he got a convertable while i am stuck with a normal car.

i knwo that saying that sounds spoiled but i just think that it is unfair.

i am happy to have a car but i didn't really get a say. and when i did they ignored the fact i am short and cannot see out the back window.

i will hit something. i can garentee it.

is that unfair or is it just me?

fuh-tog-ruh-fee [Photography]

Long time since i last came on here and actually said something. I've been trying to come here more and more just i got really busy when i decided this. But i will try my hardest. Since it's been a while since i actually came on here a lot has changed but at the same time nothing really has.

A thing that has changed is my passion of still and moving photograghy. I still am in love with movies and have an amazing idea that i hope to enter into next years film festivle (would this year but i don't want to pay a extra 30$ and i want more time to work on it.) But i have really started to like still photography. It's so much fun. I actually like taking pictures.

I never actually thought i was all that good but i went to a friends hockey game and i took some FREAKING amazing photos. I'm not usually one to like my own work to. But the hockey guys seem to like them and so do all my friends. When ever i talk about them they like to say how amazing they are and i should acutally take it up.

I might take up photography for the team in the fall. I just don't know how to approach it yet. Something i need to work on but i don't know if the team would want me. What do you think? How should i approach the team and coaches about this?

I actually might start posting more of my photos here. I don't know yet. But i hope to. All i really want to know is what other people think about what i take pictures of not just my friends or family. Only because they are too nice and like any thing a person does because of what relationship we have. Not that i don't like what they say :)

So in comments tell me what you think of what i am taking pictures of or when i post a picture. I LOVE feed back!

BTW i am now a sports photographer for my school for the year book and will be for the next two years or at least that is what i got told. CRAZY!

Tell me what you think of me doing photography

i needed to blog

So i really haven't been online all that much and i know no one checks this any more because i am not online but i don't care.

What all i really want to say is that i am a little pissed off at a friend. Well i shouldn't say pissed off but she is getting on my nerves. Like i like this guy and i have for a LONG time now and she has let me talk about it. She would even tell me things about him that she noticed. And then one day she got all mad at me. I understand that she got tired of hearing about him so i stopped talking about him. Now i could mention one things about something that he has in common with like a million other guys and she thinks that i am talking about him. I dunno it is just starting to bug me. Like yes i do know how much he is on my mind but i'm not talking about him like i used to because i know that it got old. Oh well. She has to deal with it. haha. she can think what she wants to.

I've also been using my head phones a lot over the last while on my computer. They make it seem like the world is gone and it's just me and the computer/internet. It's pretty nice. It also make music so much better. But i've gotten so sick of my music it's not even worth listening to any more. and i can't download or buy music because life hates me like that. it makes me a little sad.

the last thing is that i have found photoshop really can calm me down when i need it to. or if i am bored it makes the day go by so much faster. i really like it. But i want to photoshop some pictures i just never know if i really should or not. i don't want to just WASTE my time and not even save it. haha becuase that is what i do.

I'm lame i know it. Oh well. get used to it.
BTW i miss you buzznet. Do you miss me?